Habits that Hold You Back: Why time and money can't be your excuses not to live

My mom has always told me that you will never have enough time or enough money. If you are waiting for either of those things, you will never get anything done.

Let’s get those excuses out of the way. Granted, there are times that those two things are holding us back from what we want to do. Of course we can't backpack around Europe with any money for a plane ticket. Of course we can’t become a foster parent with a full time job and school. But the things that we really want to do, the ones that light our souls on fire, there will always be a way to make those things happen. And 2014 can be your year to do so if you let it.

Likely, it is not your time or money that is holding you back, it is the habits that you have formed in your life that eat away at those principal resources. Here is a list of the most common New Year’s Resolutions for our age group. If you are resolving yourself to make a change this year, don't let time and money stop you from achieving your goals.

Get Fit.

"I really want to get fit, but I have no time to go to the gym."

You might be busy. You might be taking a full course load, be working full time and have a whole gamut of other responsibilities to attend to. I can assure you that there is someone busier than you who is doing it. If this is truly a goal of yours, you will make it happen in your busy life. Go on a half hour run at lunchtime. Start cooking clean meals. Make small changes that work within your lifestyle.

"I have no money to join a gym."

Gyms can be really expensive. Depending on where you live, they can range from $10-$200. Do some research. If there is not a gym in your area that can fit in your budget, remember that you can run outside for free. Use your own body weight to tone your muscles, and YouTube some workout videos.

Save Money.

This can be really hard for most of us who are just embarking on our professional careers. We have loans to pay back, bills to pay, and new expenses keep popping up out of nowhere. My best advice for this is to make sure that no matter what, you are putting money into a 401k or 403b. Even if times are tight, have it set up where you don't see the money ever hit your account. Get used to living on less, and you will not notice that it is gone.

If you are extra ambitious, set up an IRA. Talk to a financial adviser and see what your options are. You will never regret saving this money in the future. If you want to start a bit smaller than this, try cutting out a few coffee drinks a week. Skip the latte at Starbucks, there is milk on the counter behind you. Or better yet, make it at home. You will be amazed as to how much you save by making small changes.

Find Love.

In order for this one to fall into place, first you need to ask yourself if you are your best self-right now. If you have things you want to improve, improve them. Work on yourself, and becoming a person that you love. You want to attract the right person, and you can’t do that if you don’t even like the person that you are.

Make the changes. Spend time finding out what your real interests and passions are. Find out what makes you tick, and what sets you apart from your friends. Become the confident person that you are on the aside, and accept your quirks.

When in doubt, just hone your inner Carrie Bradshaw:

"But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you love, well, that's just fabulous."

Billionaire Bad Boy Complex: How a literatary trend is changing the dating game

Gideon Cross. Bennett Ryan. Christian Grey.

Guys, you might not have any idea who these men are. Before you check out of the article, please pass your girlfriend a tissue to wipe the drool coming out of her mouth. Or better yet, stick with us to understand why the rules of dating are changing.

Whether we admit to it or not, most girls are still looking for the fairy tale. Even after countless heartbreaks, we look for that Prince Charming that took over all of our grade school fantasies. We want the handsome, loving, thoughtful, manly, successful man that will sweep us off of our feet.

Overtime, our perceptions became more realistic. We might still want the prince, but understand that he may not come with washboard abs. He may be very manly, but not so good with his words. We might have to coach him into acts of thoughtfulness. Our standards remain high, but achievable in our non-fairy tale realm of existence.

Enter E.L. James, Sylvia Day and Christina Lauren. There ladies have made a good chunk of cash writing about love stories that transform our prepubescent version of a prince, into a full fledged Generation Y dreamboat. He is ripped, wealthy, powerful, and is obsessed with the heroine. Obsessed in the cant-sleep-cant-think-need-to-have-you-in-my-life kind of way. He happiness revolved around the attention of the woman, and makes no apologies for being, ahem, whipped.

So we keep looking. We scourge match.com, hoping to find the Gideon Cross of the Minneapolis area. We check off the seemingly worthy contenders because they don't fit the new mold we have created for ourselves. We find the right look, with no job. We find the guy who needs us, but we don't feel the chemistry.

Your future Gideon Cross is not going to be everyone's Gideon Cross. He is going to be great for you because of your personal likes and dislikes. I am not saying we should lower of expectations, but simply change them. This literary trend opened women's eyes to the modern day man that we can attain. Change your perceptions of these "perfect men" to characteristics that you want and need. Still look for success, but look for someone who is willing to work for what he wants. Still look for physical chemistry, but looking for someone who takes care of himself. Because really, if there is a Billionaire Bad Boy on tinder, he most likely is coming with a gamut of mommy issues that you don't want to deal with.

Know Thyself: How accepting and acknowledging your quirks will lead to a happier you

Most of us would say that we are well on our way to knowing ourselves well. Our generation is one that is associated with introspection, and understanding the hows and the whys of our decisions. The evolutionary process of knowing yourself as an adult is one that will open your eyes to experiences and opportunities that you never would have seen. If done right, it will shake the ground you walk on because you and your best friend do not have as much in common that you once though. That's okay. 

Are you an Introvert of Extrovert?

This, in essence is not the most important thing that you need to know about yourself, but it is up there. Do you get energy by being around other people or by being by yourself? Do you love your "on the go" lifestyle, or do you need to take a step back and recharge? Part of becoming an adult is knowing what makes you the happiest and doing that. Don't stay an extra hour at the dinner party if what you really want to do is cuddle up with a book. Don't shy away from joining another running group because others have mentioned that you are "doing too much." Embrace yourself for who you are today.

Too often we characterize extroverts as the cool kids. The fun loving, outgoing, talkative lives of the party. Introverts get the shaft by being labeled as reserved, or solitary. Lets break away from our Myers-Briggs perceptions and simply understand that the most outgoing of us could be an introvert, because they need time to recharge by themselves. Our quieter friends may actually be extroverts, who get energy from being around other people.  It is about what replenishes you, and knowing that. Whoever you are, whatever recharges you, know this about yourself and respect it. Part of becoming an adult is being as comfortable saying "no" as you are saying "yes."

Yoga or Skijoring?

Fitness, like other things, tend to come in fads. Right now there is a yoga fad, a few years ago it was Zumba. Fitness fads are awesome. They make something popular that you might not have tried in the past, and suddenly it is cool to get involved in it. But what if you don't like the current fad? What if you choke back the $150 a month for a yoga membership and don't love it. Stop going. Get into something else. You aren't going to like what everyone else does always; and part of being an adult is making the conscious decision to find something that does light you on fire.

I have a girlfriend who is great at trying everything. She was doing triathlons when they weren't "in," and trails runs because she wanted to try them. She has lately gotten into "Skijoring" which is pretty much the equivalent of having your dog harnessed to you with you are on cross country skis- how cool is that? She tries new things, finds what she likes and does that. And believe me, there is nothing cooler than someone whose focus is on their personal happiness.

Theist or Atheist?

Odds are, your parents raised you one way or another. You grew up around a certain belief set, coloring the way you looked at the world. You may have had questions growing up about your beliefs and you may not have had any. Now is the time to ask. Now is the time to find out what is the core of your beliefs, what do you know to be true and what do you want to believe.

Many of us are sensitive to breaking the status quo of our families. We don't want to offend or rock the boat, so we stagnantly nod our heads and check out of conversations about beliefs. The problem with this is, at some point, your most pivotal role in your family will not be that of a daughter or son. You may have a spouse or children of your own someday. Your job will then be to show them how you navigate in a world of plentiful belief systems. When this happens, you are going to want to be able to answer some pointed questions about your own beliefs.

So take the time now. Ask questions, do some research, read a book. Your twenties are for you, for finding who you are and what makes you come alive. You won't find yourself in your normal routine. You will find it by trying a cooking class, by joining a book club and by taking your ear buds out and having a conversation with a stranger. This is the time for exploring and breaking apart your own convictions.

By the time you hit your mid-thirties, it will be abundantly clear, who of your peers spent their twenties getting to know themselves and who did not. Make sure you are on the right side of this. Take the time now. Ask questions, do some research, read a book. Your twenties are for you, for finding who you are and what makes you come alive. You won't find yourself in your normal routine. You will find it by trying a cooking class, by joining a book club and by taking your ear buds out and having a conversation with a stranger. This is the time for exploring and breaking apart your own convictions. 

Social Media: the birds-eye view on your personal trainwreck

I hate reading about how social media ruins our lives. Sure there are lots of new and potentially negative things about the way our general rapidly communicates with one another-but hey, isn't that the point of evolving? We are finding new, and exciting ways to change our own realities. So if you are looking for a place that is going to bash social media and suggest that we take ourselves back to a simpler time-you might want to stop reading now.

What I do want to suggest, is that we be mindful of the platform we present ourselves on. No longer can we have embarrassing secrets, dark days and all out private moments when we put everything out there for the world to know. When our parents generation had a wild night of partying, ended up puking at a club, or went home with someone random-it was pretty much under lock and key to the people they were with at the time. The rumor mill might have gotten a hold of it, but that story pretty much stayed in the confines of their direct circle.

Scenario A:

Girl dates boy. Posts sappy love quotes, pins wedding nonsense, tweets all of the lovely things that her "one and only" have done together. Until, dun dun dun, the relationship ends. Girl posts sad quotes, checks in at restaurant for "much needed girls night", posts about how chocolate can mend a broken heart. When she goes to the grocery store to buy more chocolate, she runs into an acquaintance from high school who gives her a sad, knowing smile.

Scenario B:

Boy is sending out resume's at rapid fire pace. He lands an interview at one of his top choices. Immediate post/tweet about his upcoming interview-wish him luck! He (feels) nails the interview, another shout out to the world-thanks for the luck! He is denied.

Scenario C:

Family get together. Everyone catching up, and in general having a great time. Random cousin asks people to pose for pictures, doing action shots of what they weren't even doing in the first place. Okay everyone, laugh like Bridget said something funny. Lets pretend like we were playing volleyball.

Long story short, lets practice self awareness. Even in the age of instant communication some things should be left private. Not only to avoid embarrassment later, but because part of the beauty in life are these genuine moments that you get to share with your loved ones. Make it a latergram, and be here now.

2014: The Year of Becoming Me

I am not a huge fan of resolution. I think that the market behind NYRs is often a way for people to have something to say in conversation or to talk about ways that they think they should be. Instead of having resolutions this year, I would like to devote this posts to things that I think will help me become more like the adults I want to be. Here are a few things that I believe I can (and will) improve on to become a better me.

1. Become a better listener
"Be the type of listener that people love to talk to; be the type of talker that people love to listen to."
I want to become a deeper listener. I want to be in the moment in conversation, and listen to what people aren't saying as well as what they are. I want to stop thinking of what I should respond with in a conversation, and start being more comfortable with questions and silence.

2. Make time for a healthy life
I want to make a healthy lifestyle my normal. I want to devote myself to working out, to running and to eating for my body. I want to drink less alcohol and go on more runs.

3. Be more responsible financially
I want to start thinking for the future. This year I will pay off my loans, I will save more efficiently, and I will stop spending my paychecks on nonsense.

4. Write more
Writing is a way that I feel very proud of myself. I feel good when I do it; and I want to be better at it. I will write, at minimum once a week. I will fine tune my craft, and look for outlets to express myself publicly.

Seven Phrases Women Need to Remove from their Professional Language

You are confident. bold. energized. You are going to make a difference. This is your year- and you are going to show the world the person you are meant to be. In the vain of New Years resolutions, we have all thought about how we will present ourselves physically, spiritually and professionally. But making some key changes to your vernacular can also jump start the positive and confident impression that you are going to show the world this year. Here are a few phrases that you should vow to keep out of (or drastically limit) in your daily professional conversations:

1. "Just"

"I just think that..."
"If I just..."
"I was just checking"

Just minimizes what you are going to say to finish your thought. Just is an appropriate word to use when you are talking about justice system, or making a just decision. When I hear women use this phrase (often myself), I cringe and want to take it out of their mouths. Be bold. Speak your mind. No need to minimize what you have to say. You aren't a tentative person, stop speaking like one.

2. "Almost"

"I almost wonder if..."
"I almost think that.."

I hear this one (almost-hehe) all of the time. We use this word when we don't want to be perceived as a know-it-all or too aggressive, but it takes all of the power out of what you want to say. You don't almost think something, you think it! If you are unsure, you can either be quiet until you are confident or start the phrase with "My thought/opinion is..." and then explain yourself. Not everyone has to agree with you, but they certainly will not if you almost think something.

3. "I'm sorry, but..."

No you aren't sorry. THATS OKAY. Stop apologizing. Replace "I'm sorry but I believe that," with "I believe that." You are quick, educated, and have a mind of your own. No need to apologize in a conversation to help another person save face. They won't save yours.

4. "I don't know..."

If you really don't know, then zip your lip. You don't have to fill voids in conversations. Stay quiet, and think about it for awhile. Chances are your opinion will come or google will help you. It's okay to nod or say that you will have to think about it.

5. "Like"

While it is incredible important to remove all Valley Girl terminology from your vocabulary post age 16, I am talking about the comparative "like." It is okay to use this every now and again, so long as you pepper its use with "for example," "comparatively," "similarly" ect. Using the word "like" too often will allow the chauvinistic bosses of the world to put you in the "silly girl" box. Don't let them.

6. "Actually"

"I was actually just thinking about that"
"Actually I just visited there."

Actually implies surprise. Are you surprised that you had an intelligent thought? That you are cultured or that you are thinking the same thing as a colleague or superior? Of course you aren't you brilliant girl- stop presenting yourself that way to others.

7. "I feel"

" I feel that I deserve"
"How do you feel about that?"

When you are talking about feelings, use the word feel. When you are talking about thoughts use thought. 90% of the time when we use the phrase "I feel," we are really trying to express a thought or opinion. Use the right term for the right situation. 

You know your self worth. You know that you are capable, witty, and hard working. Speak like the boss you know you are. 

Whats right, whats fair and whats Christ?

Lately, I have found myself discerning in a wide variety of aspects of my life. The levels of importance of these decisions vary from buying in bulk for toilet paper, to whether or not to continue a damaged relationship. Everyday I make decisions, for better or for worse that affect me personally and more often than not, affect the people around me. The mundane (bulk toilet paper issues) have little impact on others, but the bigger ones do. Still, I find that in the world of decisiveness that we live in, I have been making these decisions in the mindset that so many of us do-what is "right" and what is "fair."

This, in of itself, is not a bad motto to live by. We want to do what is right and what is fair. We can to live as people for others, while protecting ourselves as well. In the dog-eat-dog world that we corporate climbers live in, the latter of that statement proves to be the more consistent one. And if that is the mindset of everyone else around us, we would be fools not to adopt and acclimate-right?

The problem in this is that our judgement of what is fair, is based off of our understanding of the world. Is it fair that Tina got a promotion over me, when my perception tells me that I have worked just as hard? Is it right that I am going to pick up medicine for a friend who would never do the same for me if asked? Is it fair that my sister gets praise for the gift that we went in on together? Is it right that I will never call the man I went on a blind date with last night?

All of these scenarios could be a yes. Or they could be a no. Again, it is all in your own eyes. 

The problem with this is that you are biased. Yes you, and hey guess what I am too. Even the most self aware one of us can see that he or she will always relate things to his or her own understanding first. 

So how do we know if our decision is truly the best one? Sometimes you don't. Sometimes whats right and what is fair will still give you a bad gut feeling. Sometimes it will be easy. Sometimes it wont. But generally speaking, if the decisions you make reflect the life that Jesus wanted you to live, your gut will guide the way.

I have a relationship in my life that drains me. It drains me physically, emotionally, and mentally. Every single person in my life has told me to stop. To not continue, to cut ties. My gut tells me this is not right. I don't think that in this case, it is what Jesus wants me to do just yet. even though it would be "fair" for me to halt communication and it would be "right" to stop helping. This particular relationship is one of those when the scenario of right/fair/Jesus does not add up. To stay true to myself and the person I believe I am called to be; I adjust. I try my best to protect myself, while still following through with my gut instincts. 

Not every relationship and decision is this complicated. It can be really easy to follow. Most of our lives have been mad up of easy, black or white decisions. Using history as a guide, we know that life gets more complicated as we get older. The world mutes itself into several shades of grey, and we are left to our own devices. The earlier we get into the habit of consulting our "Jesus radar" in decisions, the easier it will be.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3: 5-6