Friendship Redefined: When to cut ties and with who

Redefining Friendship: When to cut ties and when to hold on (working title)

By your mid twenties, you have accumulated friendships from every avenue in your life. You have friends from your hometown, your high school, from college and from your professional life. You have friends that you just met and connected deeply with, and friends that you cannot fathom parting ways from because of your history.

Unfortunately, not all of these friendships are in your best interest to devote your time to maintaining. You will never have as much free time and resources as you do now. Most of us have nothing holding us back, where in the future we will be juggling the demands of a job, a family a spouse. When your time is limited, you will want to know that the friendships you have cultivated throughout the years are in your best interest.

Use your twenties to take a critical looks at the relationships in your life. Are using your energy on a friend who brings you up or tears you down? Are you spending a significant amount of time with people that inspire you, or with people that you share a history with (and potentially nothing else)?

Dreams and Nonbelievers

Your twenties are for realizing your dreams. They are for dreaming big, planning for the future and trying to figure out what makes you, uniquely you. When you talk about your dreams, your big, shoot for the stars life aspirations, how does your friend respond? Is she immediately excited for you? Does she love seeing you come alive and encourages you to move forward? Or does she take a critical stance, and suggest that you aim lower?

There is a time and a place for being practical, but discussions about your dreams in not one of those times. If you settle on the most practical path, you rarely unlock your dreams for the future.

So dream big. Visualize your future in the way that makes you the happiest. Take little steps every day to make that happen. If you have a friend who does anything but support, love and encourage you-than perhaps you need to take a look at the importance of that friendship.

Attitude

My mother, wise woman that she is, told me to surround yourself with people that make you feel great at the end of a conversation. It is truly a gift when you have friends that you can talk to about anything. Friends that you can turn to for relationship advice, family issues, and to pick apart your latest horoscope. But lets take that a step further. How do you feel after talking to that person?

If your friend is someone who you feel heard, important to, and empowered from-congratulations, you have found yourself a true friend. If you leave conversation more stressed than when you entered then, or drained, you may want to reevaluate this friendship. No matter how huge the issue you or she have going on, a cathartic chat with your friend should always make you feel better. You may not solve the worlds problems, but you should feel at least a smidgen better than when you started the original conversation.

Convenience

Some of our friends we keep because of our literal proximity to that person. They are friends that we get together with because they live in our neighborhood, go to the same gym, work in the same office. Most of our friendships likely started this way, and then life changes has put them in other categories. Friendships like this are beautiful because these people know the daily details of your life that you might not share with your friend who you talk to a few times a month.

Aside from being a part of your daily repertoire, who is this person to you? If he or she lived across the country, would you still be as close? Would you crave their opinions, listening skills and friendship if proximity wasn't a given? The hallmark of a true friend is someone that you can pick up where you left off, no matter the distance.

At the end of the day, life is really hard. If it isn't for you yet, I can assure you that life will (unfortunately) complicate itself in the future. When this happens, you want to be certain the friends you have surrounded yourself with and have devoted your time to are the ones that will lift you up when life brings you down. Think critically about the energy you are putting into your relationships now, they will be the people you will need to turn to in the future.